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Taking a stand – saying that you will not tolerate or put up with certain attitudes or behavior – means being willing to accept the responsibility of that choice and thus shouldering the consequences.This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.The other frequent cause for poor boundaries is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions.I had gotten permission from my girlfriend at the time (warning sign #1) to go play in a Mage campaign with my friends.This was significant because my ex hated RPGs – she thought they were the stupidest things ever and couldn’t imagine anyone she dated wanting to play them.
I had few boundaries to speak of and even less self-esteem…It usually involves Unstoppable Rage, but in some cases, it can even be Tranquil Fury.Some stories might even have this trigger a Heroic Second Wind. Is Serious Business, You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry.Part of the reason I stuck in the relationship I mentioned was a simple matter of low confidence; I had more than convinced myself that I was lucky to have this relationship at fault if it does – you will often find yourself knuckling under rather than drawing a line and saying “No.No further.” The lack of belief in yourself feeds into an insidious self-perpetuating cycle.
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Because I didn’t want to acknowledge my part: I was choosing to continue a relationship with someone who made me miserable.